Broken families...where do the kids go for Christmas?

My ex husband, who does not communicate with me, moved interstate with his new girlfriend 5 years ago. He keeps in regular phone contact with our children (now 12 %26amp; 14) and once a year for approx 1 week he flies them up to see him. My new husband and I deal with the everyday responsibilities of raising teenagers, school, sport, dentist, taxi driving, cooking, cleaning, breaking up fights etc etc etc.


I know it's a long way off, but I'm told my ex is coming down for Xmas and he wants the kids. Last time (2 yrs ago) I agreed to this and he took them to his girlfriends family. The kids prefer spending Xmas with me and my big family, but don't want to upset their father.I'm happy for them to go with their Dad on Xmas Eve or Boxing day.


I hate not having my kids on that one special "family day" of the year. Do I have the 'right' to tell me ex husband he hasn't "earnt" the privilege??

Broken families...where do the kids go for Christmas?
You definitely earn the right! I'm only 19 and have no kids, but as a child from divorced parents, I know that MY dad would sometimes make us spend holidays with people we didn't want to...it just wasn't fair! The way I see it: If he can't make time to come see them more often, maybe while you're out doing REAL stuff for your kids like dealing with them on days where they're actually having problems and you're the one who is physically there for them, then he doesn't have the right to take them on the special days where everything is just fine...it's like he only gets them when everything is supposed to be perfect while you see them when everything is more like reality. My mom was sometimes afraid to tell my dad that...so I did it for her :). Your kids probably feel the same way about you as I do my mom...I love my dad very much...but I see how unfair it is to take us only on the holidays when it's convenient for him, and I will never forget who the "real" parent was growing up.
Reply:If your kids don't want to spend christmas with their father, they can tell him themselves. i think they are old enough to make their own decisions... you said they are 12 and 14, right?





You don't really need to get caught up in the middle, if you don't have to... their father will get over it.
Reply:let save you and me and every some damm time.take them to the park,case closed,damm it!!!!!! got mo questions to answer lol!!!!
Reply:Rather than anyone (you or the kids) make that decision, revert back to your divorce decree. What were the stipulations?


If that's not what you and the children prefer, than SOMEONE will need to break it to dad. Usually it's split between xmas eve and xmas day. Whichever is custom for you and the children. He may have the other option. Good Luck!
Reply:I would ask the kids, how they feel about spending Xmas with dad, and if they don't want to go, get them to ring their father, and tell him, themselves, they are supposed to be grown up, at the ages they are now, and you should give them the responsibility, of speaking their own minds, I think you should back off.If your ex gives you the flack, tell him its up to the kids, and its their decision, and bad luck for you buster.
Reply:I always let my sons go where they wanted to go on Thanksgiving and Xmas. They lived with me but they usually chose to go to their Dads family on the holidays because there were cousins there that were thier age.


It is not about you or your ex. It is about the happeness of your children. Don't pressure them and guilt them into doing what you want. Don't be selfish
Reply:Alternate important events like Xmas. Like this year is your turn but the rest of the winter kids have off for holidays let them spend with daddy. And next year, let them spend Xmas and winter vacation with daddy, you give them early Xmas, week of Xmas.





And in summers, give to daddy for a month or so.


You tell him, you 99% raise those kids and can't just pick special holidays to snatch them for one day, have a real part in their lives, alternate such times like Xmas and also take them for half the summers every year or so!
Reply:You can always tell your ex, how you feel, but will he listen? Now, that your kids are teenagers and they got their own mouths, they should let their father know how they feel and quit beating around the bush! I'm pretty sure your ex,will blame you for putting them up to saying that, but they need to tell him how they feel and why. We can't expect teenagers to really reason. Some are capable of that task, and some aren't. They don't need to be arguing, name calling and other negative behaviors. Their father really needs to listen, to how they feel.





Try it. And good luck on this one.
Reply:I had the same problem but the divorce papers stated every other holiday...we used to have two holidays for the kids so they ended up with lots of presents. It is a good thing that he still wants to take part in the kids lives when so many bail out and ignore the kids all together. Maybe breaking down some walls and open up to your ex about the kids feelings might help...but whatever you do don't make the kids aware of personal feelings, i used to have to give them up for the summer and treat it like they were going to Disneyland and would call everyday to make sure they were fine. They're teenagers now and seem to be well adjusted.


good luck!