How do i get over being jealous of my new husband's 1st family?

"tom" was married before for 5 yrs with a 8 yr old son.tom allways has money and time for his 1st family but with me hes allways to "busy" and broke. here are just some examples.whenever toms ex calls(which is often) and wants him to take his son to the dentist,DR's ect he drops everything for her.But if i ask if he can take time off from work to help me he never can.If his ex calls for extra money(he already pays her what the court orders and then some) he allways come up with it but if i want to go out to eat(which is about once a month) he tells me hes broke.I don't want to sound like an evil stepmom as i love his son i just wish tom showed as much interest in me as his 1st family.

How do i get over being jealous of my new husband's 1st family?
I don't mean to sound like a nag, but you did marry a guy that had a child from a previous marriage. You must be aware that the reason he "helps out his ex" is that he is helping his son have a better life.





I do understand that you want to go out to dinner and such. I assume that you have a job? If so, then use part of your pay to support going out. If all your money is going to his ex, then put a stop to it. He is responsible for part of the financial welfare of the boy, not you (the balance being his ex of course).





If you don't work outside of the house, then think about getting a job/part-time job to have a little extra money for recreation.





Last, it seems to me that you are relatively young; struggling a bit early in a marriage seems to be more the norm than the exception.





One guys thoughts.
Reply:grow up. if you cant handle the fact that he already had a family then you shouldnt have married him.
Reply:Get over it before you become the former 2nd family.
Reply:you married this guy?





hon, you are wasting your time... he still has a thing for his ex wife. YOU are a convenience, and when he NEEDS you, you are always there for him... then he lets you WAIT for him until he NEEDS you again.





it's all about him.





i wouldn't put up with it.
Reply:leave him immediately before you have a kid, he's killing you slowly
Reply:forget about his first family he got you know as long as he faithful and loving 2 u don't worry about it but other than that you need to confront his ex and tell her to stay away from ya man and second you need to get ya husband in heck obviously u let him get away with 2 much
Reply:You bought someone with baggage, get used to it or lose him and learn the lesson
Reply:You grow up. You really should have realized that this man had responsibilities before you married him. Dropping everything when his kid needs to go to the Doc or Dentist is how it SHOULD be. I agree he also needs to make time/money for you but don't get on his case for taking care of his child. Maybe he thinks you're coming up with pseudo emergencies to get attention. I'm trying to figure out why you married when all of this should have been obvious beforehand. Did this just start? Or was he doing this the whole time you were dating?





Whatever the case, tell him how you feel, without nagging. That's really all you can do. Be there for him, support him when he needs to support his son. Understand his financial obligations that came before you were even in the picture.
Reply:Sara it seems to me, from what examples you have given that Tom is only doing things for his child, he should be giving his son what is ordered by the court and than SOME....taking his son to the doctor or dentist is not treating the kid as if he loves him more than you.....you seem to be asking him to take off from work, which he can not do and still support 2 families....as I do think he should make time to take you to dinner once a month I have a feeling you are being jealous of his son, and acting a bit childish.... I'm sure he loves you and I think you should talk very calmly with Tom about your feeling before it gets very out of hand and damages your marriage....I wish you the best of luck....d


P.S. What you have Sara is an extended family NOT a first family and second family....when and If you have children of your own all of these children will be siblings to each other and should be treated as such, not the old kids and the new kids....you'll be much happier and secure in your relationship if you get help with these issues early on...be happy and find bliss...d