How do i get over being jealous of my new husband's 1st family?

"tom" was married before for 5 yrs with a 8 yr old son.tom allways has money and time for his 1st family but with me hes allways to "busy" and broke. here are just some examples.whenever toms ex calls(which is often) and wants him to take his son to the dentist,DR's ect he drops everything for her.But if i ask if he can take time off from work to help me he never can.If his ex calls for extra money(he already pays her what the court orders and then some) he allways come up with it but if i want to go out to eat(which is about once a month) he tells me hes broke.I don't want to sound like an evil stepmom as i love his son i just wish tom showed as much interest in me as his 1st family.

How do i get over being jealous of my new husband's 1st family?
Well, I'm guessing you knew he was married before with a child while you were dating him, and still you went ahead and married him - at least you knew what you were getting into. His responsibility will always be with his first family, and you simply have to respect that.
Reply:I know this is hard. But you knew he had this family when you married him. It is actually good that he spends time with his son. You know he will be a good father to his kids with you. Maybe you can think of some things that the three of you can do together. Soon and very soon this eight year old, will no longer demand so much time from Dad, he will want to be with his friends. Be patient, if that is your biggest worry consaider yourself lucky. Sounds like you have a good man.
Reply:Is he showing this intrest in his son, or the family. I see nothing wrong with being a part of his son's life, thats what dads should do. However if the mother has a good job I would be upset too.





Now I am assuming that he drops things for his son other than doctor visits, which are very important as well. I could see complaining if it were to go out to eat, but not basic care of the child.





But if this is truely an unfair situation then you need to some how talk to him about it. Make plans for you and him, make a great dinner, do things that let him know he his just as important in your life as in his son's.
Reply:I know how you feel my husband is the same way sometimes. He has a daughter with his ex that he was married to for 3 years. His daughter will be 7 in November. We're both in the Air Force so he feels like a bad father because he has to be so far away all the time (he has joint custody where he gets his daughter 3 1/2 days a week and the ex has her 3 1/2 days a week, but obviously we cant' do that right now b/c we're stationed in Alaska and she lives in Ohio). His ex always tries to make him feel like he's such a bad father because he's not around and this and that. However, his ex is so immature that she won't even talk to him anymore, she is engaged to a really nice guy (that I feel sorry for) and whenever his daughter needs something or his ex wants extra money that month she makes her fiance Doug call. At first it really bothered me, but I learned I had to accept it. I love his daughter and even though I feel left out sometimes I have to realize that she IS his daughter and he doesn't get to spend every day with her like he does me. Also, I am now currently almost 9 weeks pregnant with "our" child so that helps a little bit. Just give it time. You will be able to handle it, you just have to remember his son is his family to, and even though it seems like he's helping his ex out and doing her favors, he's really just taking care of his son. :) Good luck!
Reply:You don't. Feelings are just something you feel. It is actions that matter. It sounds like he is a great Dad. He is doing what is right. You should be encouraging this. I can understand your frustration, but he must be there for and monetarily support his child as much, if not more, than he would be if he and his first wife hadn't split up. Think of it this way- what if you were the mom without a father in residence? Wouldn't you like an ex that was living up to his responsibilities like your hubby is? Now you just have to ask yourself,"can I live with this situation happily and non-bitchily? If the answer is no then you made a mistake marrying your hubby and you need to correct it.
Reply:You should have dealt w/ that before the wedding. How did you think it was going to be? Unfortunately, you're not the son's mother, so you'll always play second fiddle to the kid. I'm sorry, but that's the way it works.





You need to be patient, and get used to this way of life. The less you worry about it and accept that he is just a good man trying to do the best for his 8 year old, the easier it will become for it. In the meantime, let him know how you're feeling - be honest, but not TOO honest, and hopefully he'll get the hint that he does need to ALSO invest just as much in his new marriage. Good luck.
Reply:The kid was in the package!!So try to be friendly with the kid


and help your husband to solve the kid's problems.That way he will know how much you care about him.Do not be jealous


if he wanted her he will not be married to you.He must be a very responsible person and that is very good for you too!!