How do i get over being jealous of my new husband's 1st family?

"tom" was married before for 5 yrs with a 8 yr old son.tom allways has money and time for his 1st family but with me hes allways to "busy" and broke. here are just some examples.whenever toms ex calls(which is often) and wants him to take his son to the dentist,DR's ect he drops everything for her.But if i ask if he can take time off from work to help me he never can.If his ex calls for extra money(he already pays her what the court orders and then some) he allways come up with it but if i want to go out to eat(which is about once a month) he tells me hes broke.I don't want to sound like an evil stepmom as i love his son i just wish tom showed as much interest in me as his 1st family.

How do i get over being jealous of my new husband's 1st family?
i dont wanna come off as harsh..but ur gonna have to grow up.. i see ur point about the ex wife...he really shouldnt be going out of his way for her anymore... BUT when it comes to his son.... He should always come first....always..
Reply:Unfortunately, you knew this before you started seeing him. I do sympathize with you I do, but his son is very important to him, and with his son, thier is a ex-mom to deal with. At least they are not constantly bickering for the boys' sake. I'm sorry if I'm not more understanding to your dilema.
Reply:grow up and stop being jealous of an 8 year old?
Reply:Well, Sarah. This is the big pitfall of marrying a divorced man with a kid. The same would apply for a woman. You have to realize that he loves his son and he will have some type of feelings for the mother of his child, too. You don't say how long you've been married so hopefully it hasn't been too long. I guess my best advice would be to talk with him about it and not in a confrontational way. Just ask a few questions. If you get some real mean answers as to why he has extra money for his wife and not to take you out to dinner once a month, then I think you may want to consider that you have made a mistake. After all, you don't want to spend the next 20 years living like this, do you? Think about it. This is the very reason why 2nd and 3rd marriages usually end in divorce. There is just too much baggage that comes along with the relationship.
Reply:im sorry to say this but it will never work im goen threw the same thing i was married for only a year and half and his son and x came first but he wasnt married to her but talked to her nicer then me we have been separated for 3 weeks now and i dont miss it at all i deserve better and i have one son so now where on our own and its so peaceful here and i got my selfesteem back two familys dont mix its very hard playen the step parent role tell your husband look im the wife and shes the x u chose who u want cause im tired of it tc and gl i feel for ya been there done that tc
Reply:You are being selfish. He isn't dropping everything for his ex he is dropping everything for his son. His son is his first priority. Even though you are his new wife, you have no right to complain about this, you knew what you were getting into before you married him. You can not ask him to choose you over his son.
Reply:Treat the son like gold but make sure you cut off the ex-wife. Son is old enough to call his dad. He doesn't need his mommy to call dad for him. Have an arrangement so the ex wife does not call you guys anymore.
Reply:I HAD to reply to this one!! You're not with a guy named Mark are you? haha I went thru almost exactly the same thing!! People are EXPECTED to put their kids first--you should NEVER put your ex first!! My ex claimed that he and his ex were "best friends"!! She was remarried but she talked to my B/F (her ex) more than she did her new husband!! He expected us to sit with her at ballgames and we had to go to her house and spend Christmas--it was too much for me!! They called each other CONSTANTLY! If we were arguing about something and she called, he would cut me off to answer her call %26amp; would be too nice to her--right in front of me! I'm telling u--it does something to your self-esteem. It's NOT RIGHT!! I finally kicked him out and got a guy that is great! he has twin girls and puts THEM AND ME FIRST!! He never mentions his ex--%26amp; I never mention mine. And just like U, my ex never had money to even help w/the household bills cause he was too busy handing it to her--even after he'd paid his child support and then some!! I worked 2 jobs to get the things I wanted in life! I'm glad i'm done with him %26amp; if u get rid of yours...you'll be glad too. Sorry to sound so harsh. I love yahoo answers, it lets u get stuff of your chest!! Good luck to you.
Reply:You married a man with "baggage". That "baggage" will ALWAYS come before you whether you like it or not. If you had a problem dealing with that fact then you shouldn't have married the man.