I'm currently working overseas. I send money back to my family monthly but its getting a toll on me now.?

I am the eldest in the family and its only me and my youngest sister who work. My Dad, Mom and 2 brothers, age 30 and 28 respectively, are all unemployed (all uninsured). My greatest fear is for anyone of them to be sick or be in a situation where I need to shell out all the money I set aside for my own personal welfare. I am afraid that I am saving for their (God forbid) hospital expenses, on top of the $200 I send monthly.





How do I talk to them about this ? I asked my brothers to work as they are still young but all they could muster to asnwer me was "Its too hard to find a job." One of them needed to go to the dentist for a major dental procedure and I paid for it. Things like this should not be my responsibility but I am obliged. They make me feel guilty without them knowing it.





Any advice that you can give me ? Thank you.

I'm currently working overseas. I send money back to my family monthly but its getting a toll on me now.?
You obviously love your family very much. The problem is that by constantly bailing them out when they are perfectly able to run their own lives, you are really not doing them any favours. The situation will never get any better and you are enabling them and putting your own future in danger. I just saw an Oprah show on this actually, they got her to cut the ones who were leeching money off cold turkey. http://www.oprah.com/money/relationships...
Reply:You are doing a great thing by sending money to them, but it is time for your brothers to find a job. If they have to give up their dignity and work at McDonalds. You cannot be their sole supporter. It's time for them to find work and build their lives free of you.
Reply:You need to stop sending them money and focus on yourself. If they don't have dependency, then they can get off their asses and get a job. Tell them no more money.
Reply:Why would they work when you foot the bills? Cut them off, you aren't doing them any favors.
Reply:STOP sending money, they are all lazy and you have done enough for them, let them take care of themselves. You are too good and they are taking advantage of you.
Reply:It is commendable that you help out. Truly a blessing. But you will become bitter at some point. You will have to spell out to your family that you can only do so much. You can send money and write a letter with it stating how you love them and this is all you can do. Tou have to take of yourself. The problm will exist if you can't do this. Best wishes
Reply:Don't feel guilty as guilt is more likely to cause the person who is suffering the guilt illness more than any other emotion -including heart disease. You obviously cannot afford illness at the moment!


If you encourage your siblings into work you are doing them a favour as what would happen if you became ill or lost your job? How would they possibly cope?


If they are unwilling to work it is always going to be difficult to persuade them to get a job - especially while they're receiving free hand-outs!
Reply:Tell them that you, as a relative, should be less obliged to help them as they should be obliged to help themselves. It is understood that family members and friends should help each other in hard times, but it is highly unfair to take advantage of someone's sympathy. They say that it is difficult to find a job and it is true, but somehow, you got yourself one. So what keeps them from doing the same? You are so worried that they might get sick and end up in a hospital, but it really should be them praying that you stay alive and healthy to continue supporting them the way you do! If, God forbid, you get run over by a car tomorrow, will it become easier for them to get a job? I should think so, because the need itself is the best motivator. If they had no one to rely on, they simply would have no opportunity to procrastinate. They would pick themselves up and strive to survive. Right now they are too comfortable to care, because you are breaking your back for their sake.
Reply:GOOD thing your over seas then,and talk to your other sister





Start sending letters to your family and let them know that they are decreasing your hours at work,





as a result your going to have to turn off your phone number





--Your sister can say she lost her job and has to look for a new one





She cannot send them any more money


as your LAZY brothers need to get a JOB this is how that will happen





Your turning off the PHONE will make them unable to contact you easily,





Send them 2 more PAYMENTS on the last one say due to lack of hours you will not be able to send this MUCH money next time





and then send them only half of what you have been sending





they WILL NOT GO HUNGRY





Your brothers will figure something out





IN the mean time your sister should be saving her money UP


and should NOT be intouch with your family





ONce they have jobs, then there is NO NEED to increase the money,





and you can contact your sister and ask her to send 1/4 of the Half you have been sending





I think thats more than fair,





M
Reply:You set yourself up to be every ones caretaker therefore they have no desire to do anything for themselves cause you always come shining thru for them !!! I no it's so easy for me to say stop it now !! But that is what u need to do !! There are plenty of jobs maybe not the best pay but @ least it's a job %26amp; its work !! Shame on your parents for allowing this to happen they are wrong for this!! And what do you mean your brothers are young ?? They are 2 grown dead beats waiting to be taken care of !! They will never marry or do any good for themselves they've been raised as bums so thats what they shall be !! Cut them off totally!! Completely !! Immediately !!
Reply:Your parents should really be proud of you...I can understand your situation but you just cannot stop sending money altogether because you have to think about your parents too.Children don't grow up without parental support. Just tell them that you will send the money only till the end of such and such period -say for another six months or so. Give them a deadline so that they make some arrangement for themselves.....

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