Why won't her family get past me hitting my wife... ONE TIME?

Yes, I am a professional (dentist). Yes, I drink. Yes, I did hit my wife ONE TIME. Yes, I felt terrible. Yes, she left for 3 days and told her family. Yes, I pleaded for her to come back. Yes, I did get a DUI after she came back. No, I haven't hit her and I NEVER again will. Yes, it was the biggest mistake of my life.





I have made my apologies... why won't her family see past this. I have a doctorate for crying out loud. I'm not some uneducated schmuck on the street who hits women for the fun of it. I don't know what more I can do. They are no longer trusting of me at all and they encourage my wife to leave me still. This was weeks ago. What can be done?

Why won't her family get past me hitting my wife... ONE TIME?
I don't believe you are sorry for your actions at all, YOU ARE STILL BLAMING OTHER PEOPLE FOR YOUR SELF MADE PROBLEMS!!!! and if you reread your own question you will see the only person your trying to convince with your apologetic b/s is yourself!! Stop digging the hole you made for yourself and Start filling it up, go to counseling ,AA, make amends to everything you did wrong and find out what is wrong with you!! no body is going to hold your hand and Make you walk this road, but if you start it on your own and make it your own then maybe they will walk with you, but you have to go first!! SO STOP kiddin yourself its not over it just started...YOU WILL HIT AGAIN UNLESS YOU GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!!! once you realize that maybe her fam will talk to you and yes you do owe them an explanation and apology! you might not have always been a "schmuck" but you are now!!
Reply:Why doesn't some people let dead dogs stay dead.


Apologize to her , go to a council meeting , then let your wife tell her parents to keep quite , it will pass over.
Reply:what you did was terrible, but you need to sit down with her and her family, and talk it out.
Reply:Jack, You seem to think that your level of education and profession exempt you from repercussions. You are experiencing the consequences of your actions. Only lots of time and a geniune change in attitude and behavior will influence her family's lack of trust in you. You appear to not understand that she doesn't owe you. She's free to find love with someone who will cherish her, someone who has the character and integrity to accept her and never consider hurting her and would protect her from every kind of harm. Instead you yourself harmed her....if you want her, you need to seriously recognize your problem and seek change.
Reply:You gotta understand the almost everyone sees a man hitting a woman as one of the dispicable things that could ever happen in life. Over a long time, the wounds should heal, but honestly, after a mistake of that magnitude, you have no choice but to suck it up, and let them take as much time as they need to get over it. Stay humble, and definately don't act like they're being jerks for not forgiving you sooner - that will just take you back to square one.
Reply:You need help....





you are stressed out about something, I don't know what....





it isn't going to go away on it's own....





drinking to excess, getting the DUI, hitting your wife....all of it tells me you need to see someone...anyone...doctor or therapist...whatever it takes....





your education and title have nothing to do with this.





i wish you much luck and hope you have the will to make an appointment with someone soon.....
Reply:Just because you have your doctorate doesn't mean you're perfect.





Your level of education doesn't determine if you'd hit a woman or not.





A bum of the street can be sweet as possible to a woman, where as the most intelligent person can be a total abuser. Or, it can be vice versa. It all depends on the person, not their education.





And do you like to brag about being a dentist? Reading from previous post of yours, you seem pretty full of yourself. And I am starting to think this isn't too real. All your post are bragging about hitting your wife, and being a dentist. You don't seem too intelligent for someone who supposedly has a 'doctorate'.





I wouldn't trust you with my teeth.
Reply:Jack, consequences aren't held behind our job titles. I work for a dentist and he seems very stressed out too. It's not easy handling the responsibilities you guys have. Lashing out on your wife to vent the frustration isn't the answer though. I agree with one of the responses here that you need to stay humble and allow her family time to heal from this. Make her understand how sorry you are because that is really all you can do at this point. True love will forgive and stay by your side. This doesn't mean take advantage of her and slap her around. Hopefully this has opened your eyes and helped you realize what not to do. I wish you the best.





Right on Precious H!
Reply:What does you having a doctorate have to do with anything? You think only uneducated men hit women?? Obviously, that's not true, DOCTOR. Domestic abuse and interfamilial violence aren't "class" issues. They have nothing to do with money or social status. There are many, many professional men who abuse their wives and children. There are many who kill them, too. For someone who is so educated, you are certainly narrow-minded.





You shouldn't be. You should see the truth because it's right in front of you: her family could give a sh!t about your doctorate because they know that has nothing to do with why you hit her or if you would again. If you drink, there is a chance you would hit her again. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and can impair logic and impulse control. As you know, Doctor. Her family obviously thinks so. They love her and want to protect her. I can understand that. They probably look at it as better safe than sorry. I understand what you are saying: it was a one-time thing and that was that. They should realize that. But the truth is, once that line has been crossed, even though you might be really remorseful, you canNOT guarantee that it will never happen again. You simply can't. You might think you can but you cannot. Once you've crossed that line, it gets easier and easier to cross it again, especially if you drink. You seem to think you DESERVE more consideration from her and her family because you are not like those other abusers. Let me tell you something: They ALL say that. They all say that they are not like other abusers. They sit there and watch "COPS" and say what scumbags those guys are and never seem to realize they are the same. You are proof of that. A guy who gets drunk and hits his woman. Where's the difference?





And by the way, you aren't one of those uneducated schmucks who hits women for the fun of it? Then what are you? An educated schmuck who hits women when he's drunk? When he's angry? No, you're one of those educated schmucks who drives down the road drunk, putting everyone's lives in danger. You need to let go of your class biases, Doctor. From what I can see there is no difference between a dentist who gets drunk and hits his wife and a carpenter who gets drunk and hits his wife. No difference at all. The fact that you think there is one speaks of the kind of person you really are. But you need to let it go; the high horse you are trying to ride is a broken-down old nag.
Reply:look man they will never forgive u.i know man it's not what u wanted to here but they wont forgive u b/c it's there baby girl so if she has forgiven u then just let it go.
Reply:When it comes to this sort of thing, having a doctorate doesn't mean jack, Jack! An apology is only the first step in making this right. It will take time. Think of this: if you had/have a kid, a girl, and you found her boyfriend hit her, would you react any differently? Would you invite him in and say, "Oh, no biggie, just don't do it again. Now let's all chill and watch some football" (or whatever you like to do)- yeah, I don't think you'd be doing that. I think maybe seeing a therapist, at least for a little while, could be helpful, since you obviously aren't perfect and having some issues with drinking/temper. Doesn't mean your a bad person- your only human and having some issues, everyone has their problems at one time or another. I believe that would make her family start to regain their trust and faith in you if they see you making a big effort. It will show them how sorry you really are and that you care enough to make sure it doesnt happen again.
Reply:well, if she took you back and wants to make it work, stay away from her family and that's their problem if they dont like you...just be happy now that you have your wife back.
Reply:Many people, professional and otherwise, feel that a man who hits a woman is an incurable creep who barely is fit to live, let alone be forgiven. I am willing to bet that if you continue drinking alcohol to the point of intoxication, you will do it again. And you might do it again even if you quit drinking totally. Lashing out like that is the nearly inevitable reaction to one's feelings of weakness and powerlessness. I had to get really old to admit this tendency in myself and still occasionally have to fight that demon. Don't kid yourself, it's probably still with you, and always will be.
Reply:Trust and respect have to be built up again, both between you and your wife and between you and her family. This will take a lot of time. A couple of weeks is not going to do it, it might take months and even years. If you are truly very sorry about what you did, then one thing you're going to have to do is accept the consequences for your actions. One of these consequences is a loss of trust and respect for you. It's one thing to tell everyone that you'll never do it again, but it's something else entirely to SHOW them. Anyone can just say they're never going to hit their wife again. What you need to do is PROVE that you have reformed, and that you're never going to hit her again. You prove this by sticking around and being a nice guy for a long time. Going to counseling or anger management classes might be a good start.